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dukejuke

Crack a joke

48 posts in this topic

Alright, comedy time!

All jokes are welcomed, be they text, ascii art or memes.

Though kudos to the people making me flip over laughing without posting a meme :) .

Broad diversity is to be encouraged, from puns of other jokes posted, musical jokes

or in my case very twisted humor.

making dead baby jokes is strongly encouraged by my part, though implicit sexual content with

aforementioned and other similar themes (see spoiler if you dare) is uhmmm...errrr, lets keep it happy guys ^^

Bottomline of this, jokes with descriptive or considerably detailed sexual content will not be tolerated!

EDIT: WARNING!!!! THIS IS PURELY FOR THE SAKE OF SHOWING NOT TO DO THIS.

BY OPENING THIS SPOILER YOU AGREE THAT YOU ARE AT LEAST 18 YEARS

OF AGE, DO NOT HAVE A FAINT HEART, DO NOT MIND MENTAL SCARRING OR HAVE MEMORIES OF CHILD ABUSE.

what is the hardest part when blending a baby?

Answer: masturbating while you hold the camera.

EDIT: So i had a chat with spanser in IRC about how i was drunk while doing this.

I realised i had to make this example thing a bit more clear.

I will start.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?

Answer:

it depends on how hard you throw them.

Please keep your jokes in the format as seen above

I'l leave the rest to you guys :P

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and so the great age of humor passed by unnoticed....

come on guys, i cant be the only one that knows disturbing jokes.....

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hehehe......

Whats worse than 10 dead babies in a tree?

1 dead baby in ten trees

Whats the differentce between a ferrari and 1,000 dead babies?

I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?

Because Timmy got hit by a bus

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yayyyyy jokes ^^

lovely now for a good one...

what do you get when you cross a government official with a marine?

A killersnail.

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WARNING, OFFENSIVE AS HELL!

what kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?

a pedophile

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well.....*ouch*....that...escalated quickly..

But as long as proper warnings are given (in fashion of what i and killster did) it should be okay :P

-WARNING MAY LEAD TO CRYING, UNCONTROLLED SOBBING AND/OR POSSIBLE CATHARSIS-

Posted Image

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:o NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo *cries*
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well.....*ouch*....that...escalated quickly..

But as long as proper warnings are given (in fashion of what i and killster did) it should be okay :P

-WARNING MAY LEAD TO CRYING, UNCONTROLLED SOBBING AND/OR POSSIBLE CATHARSIS-

Posted Image

or in my case, uncontrollable maniacal laughter
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Posted Image

somewhat like this? hmm?

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somewhat like this? hmm?

as i mow my lawn...
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i know killster, i know.....*pats him on back*

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*writes dukejuke's name in the Death Note* :ph34r:

(careful, somewhat wrong :D)

anyway: what is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?

a baby with slashed floaties

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Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was shot in the back

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ninjaed by killster.....

i was supposed to post that.....2 posts ago.....

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Non-sensical Joke:

 

What would you do if you found out your high school transforms into a colossal emerald-colored tower of death at exactly 12:00 AM?

 

WARNING: Expect extremely non-sensical answer!

Make a sandwich.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas?

Hungry

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So two strings walk into a bar. One says, "I'd like a rum and [email protected][>t6#$%*kl."The other says, "You'll have to excuse my friend; he's not null-terminated."

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Essays written in programming languages

 

Posted Image

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What is the hardest part of being a pedophile?

 

fitting in

 

yeah i revived this with a pretty corny one >.<

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Le me joining internet chat...

Me :Hello!Me :Who's there!Server: DiscoMe :Disco who ?Server :Disconnectedle me procede in ultimate rage .....

 

Its a little corny ,i know....

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Why did the school bus stop?

 

-WARNING: VERY GORY AND SAD AND MAY CAUSE SOBBING (OR MANIACAL LAUGHTER).

 

 

Because the Chryssalids horribly mutilated all of the students inside and turned them into zombie hosts for their young.

 

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my brain: wtf's a chryssalid, my heart: doesnt matter, young dead zombie hosts

 

my brain: oh hey, looks like zombieland, LETS HAVE A MANWICH

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How many pedophiles does it take to screw in a light bullb?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ANSWER:

Zero, who wants to screw a light socket?

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Joke:

 

Go home and read a guide on how to be a comedian, your jokes aren't funny.

 

(Sounds more blunt and mean, to be honest, :(.)

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